


Heroes and Demons

by ruff_ethereal



Category: Penn Zero: Part-Time Hero
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Death, Demon!Sashi, Demons, F/M, Mild Language, Threats of Death, Threats of Violence, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-11
Updated: 2015-07-30
Packaged: 2018-04-08 18:00:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4314915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruff_ethereal/pseuds/ruff_ethereal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Doomed to die a slow, painful, and humiliating death by the Neverending Spiral of Death and Agony, Penn Zero finds himself rescued by a most unusual saviour. Though they didn't know it at the time, it was going to be the start of a most strange partnership...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Most Inglorious Death, A Most Unusual Rescue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [radiowrittenheart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/radiowrittenheart/gifts), [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Lord Fred and the Kingdom of Death](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2679995) by [Elacular](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elacular/pseuds/Elacular). 



> For eliridis on tumblr.

All these years of heroics, pulling off formerly impossible feats, and rescuing imperiled royals, civilians, and supernatural deities alike, and it was all going to end by falling down some stairs.

To be fair, Penn thought, this was the Neverending Spiral of Death and Agony, an enchanted construction that made sure that Penn was going to be falling down the same flight of concrete steps till he either died of starvation or his injuries. Not exactly the way he wanted to go, but he figured he was a hero, part of the job description was accepting whatever came your way, then working with it to make things better for yourself, the imperiled people, and the world in general.

Though, he really, really, _really_ wished he'd had been fed to Ms. Chuckles, Lady Laveka' pet hell hound, or just had the air sucked out of him then left in a vacuum to suffocate to death. At the very least, the those would have taken seconds to a minute or two at the worst, rather than the several hours this was going to be.

 _BANG!_ “Ow!” _BANG!_ “Oh!” _BANG!_ “Agh!”

He was about to go on another loop from the top of the stairs and back down again when he suddenly felt two strong hands clutch his shoulder armour; something thick and strong wrap around his waist; and someone pull him up. Without the clanking and the banging of his armour against the steps, he could hear the distinct sound of flapping wings.

Leathery, demonic wings.

He looked over his shoulder and saw one of Lady Laveka's minions holding him up. Though her eyes were hidden beneath a pair of protective glasses, Penn could still feel a little bit of his soul being painfully, lethally stabbed with very many daggers.

A flying demon with Death Vision. And here he was without his reflective shield. Great.

“So, your mistress decided that the stairs got boring?” Penn asked.

The demon didn't say anything; instead, she started flapping her wings even harder and raised Penn up from the steps and to a crevice in the inner wall. She unceremoniously dropped him with a clatter, before she landed and massaged her arms, and stretched out her whip-like tail.

“By the Gloomy Gates of the Underworld, what're you _keeping_ under that armour?!” She yelled as she glared at Penn yet again.

“Lots of things that you don't know about!” Penn replied. “You know, you guys _really_ should hire some demons who actually know how to pat someone down for hidden weapons.”

The demon recoiled and readied her claws for combat. She crouched low to the ground, her wings spread and ready to take flight, her eyes glowing a dangerous blood-gold underneath the enchanted glass.

Penn just shifted himself to a more comfortable position, where his armour wouldn't painfully dig into the soft padding underneath.

The demon scowled at him, the glow of her eyes dimming as she warily studied Penn. “What're you planning, hero?” She growled.

“Uh, nothing?” Penn smiled at her. “What're _you_ planning?”

The demon scowled even harder. She moved into a pouncing stance, wings primed to blast her forward and tackle Penn down to the ground. “I'm on to you!” She yelled. “This is another one of your tricks, isn't it? You're going to confuse me, then you're going to attack me and slay me! Well, I'm not falling for it, hero!”

Penn chuckled. “Okay, first of all, if there's any tricking going on here, it's you telling yourself that I'm planning something. And second, I don't really make a habit of killing anyone that saves my life, whatever they might be. Why _did_ you save me, anyway?” He asked as he pointed to the spiral staircase down below.

The demon relaxed her stance, but her muscles were still tense, her wings ready to bolt. She briefly looked away before she glared at Penn once more, eyes glowing and intense.

“Not going to answer, huh? Eh, that's cool;” Penn shrugged. “I'll probably figure it out later after I save the day.” He started rooting into the hidden compartments underneath his armour, revealing a number of tools, weapons, and enchanted items that said someone was most _definitely_ getting fired later. He casually cast looks back at Sashi as he worked, not ruling her out as a threat just yet.

The demon watched Penn rooting through his inventory, her stance slowly relaxing until she just stood before him. “… You really think you can still stop my mistress, don't you?”

Penn looked up from trying to combine an icepick with some rope and a loose brick from the wall. “Uh, duh? I'm a _hero_ , remember? We don't stop until the day is saved or we're dead, and even then, some of us don't stop there.” He smiled and went back to his work.

The demon kept on watching him, up until he held up his makeshift grappling hook and looked for some exit to throw it up to. She sighed. “There is no getting out of here without magic, you know. I think you should have realized that with the stairs and the lack of doors or windows.”

Penn set down the improvised tool, looked at the demon and nodded. “That's very good to know, thanks! Should I start experimenting with my spells here, or are you going to show me the way out of here, too?”

The demon smirked. “Oh, I'll get you out of here, but only if you'll do me a big favour:

"Kill my mistress for me.”

Penn stopped. “Wait, run that by me again?”

The demon sighed and rolled her eyes. “I need you to kill my mistress. That's what you're here for, aren't you?”

“Actually, I was going to go destroy her artefact of power, render her helpless, then send her to a nice, secure jail somewhere where she won't be able to do anyone any harm.”

The demon frowned. “ **No.** You're going to _kill_ her, no questions about it.”

Penn frowned back at her. “And why would I have to do that…?”

“Because she's a jerk and so long as she's alive, I'm going to be magically bound to her! Even if I spent the rest of your life describing what she's done in great detail, I won't even get _close_ to how terrible of a boss she is!”

Penn nodded. “And what if I find some way to break the binding between you and her without killing her?”

The demon rolled her eyes. “Yeah, good luck with that. You do realize that just snuffing her is the best thing you can do, right? It's quick and easy!”

“Yeah, but it's not very heroic.”

The demon cast Penn a withering look. “Your heroism is what got you trapped down there in the first place.”

“And _you_ got me out. Look, the way I see it, you can do two things right now: one, you get us both out of this tower and let me try to find a way to save the day, and free you without killing Lady Laveka; or two, you send me back down to the stairs to die a slow, prolonged, and incredibly painful death and go back to working for a boss you hate, while praying a different hero with a looser set of standards will come by sometime soon.

“I may be biased here, but I think number one's the best thing you can do for the both of us.” Penn grinned.

The demon stared, the expression on her face completely, absolutely unamused.

Penn kept on smiling.

She sighed and walked past him to the wall behind him. The demon rapped a series of gashes with her claws and a portal appeared back into the rest of the castle, somewhere down a servant's hall.

“Thanks.” Penn said as he gathered his things into his arms and stepped through the portal. He set the items down and started stuffing them back into their compartments, except for a few things he was going to need to get his shield and gauntlet back.

The demon stepped through after him and the portal automatically closed. She stood there, arms crossed and watching Penn get ready. “The guy that got your weapons is just down this hall.” She said, thumbing down to the right direction. “Oh, and if you don't kill my mistress or find a way to free me by the end of this day, I'm going to throw you back down those stairs myself and this time, I won't save you.”

“Noted!” Penn said as he secured the last batch of emergency spells into his gloves. “Anything else you want to tell me before I go?”

The demon hesitated for a moment, before she darted forward and planted a quick kiss on Penn's cheek.

Penn blinked. “Did you just kiss me…?”

The demon blushed, her red cheeks turning purple. “I… uh… yeah, I did! That's supposed to be good luck, right?” She paused. “… Or does that only work with good supernatural beings and mortals…?”

Penn smiled. “I think yours still counts, yeah.”

The demon nodded. “Okay. Good.” She spun on her heel, her wings opening and ready to send her rocketing up.

_“Wait!”_

The demon stopped mid-flap. She threw a look over her shoulder.

“Can I get your name, at least? I think that's pretty standard with releasing or binding demons, right?”

“It's Sashi.” The demon said, before she disappeared up to the ceilings and into the darkness.

Penn committed the name and her face to memory, before he started down the hall. He was going to need them later, but right now, he had a few more important things to take care of first.


	2. Twists, Turns, and Other Unexpected Things

In hindsight, Penn should have probably realized something was up when Lady Laveka was so willing to release Sashi. Now it was a little too late to wonder why the sorceress was smiling when she released her control over Sashi, mostly because said demon had Penn's neck in a vice grip.

Or more specifically, demon _lord._

Sashi sighed happily, a serene look on her face as she slowly crushed Penn's windpipe in her claws. “Thanks for releasing me from that jerkbutt's control, hero;” she said calmly. “You have _no_ idea how humiliating it was to have fallen for her tricks and had myself and my own legions under her service for all these years.

“As your reward, I'm going to make your death quick and painless. Shame, really--I hear heroic souls like yourself are best enjoyed _agonizingly_ slow to get all those delicious attempts at resistance.” She put her other hand to her specs, her eyes already glowing a bright blood-gold hue.

“Wait!” Penn gasped. “Don't kill me!”

Sashi's claws stopped on the edge of her glasses. She loosened her grip on Penn's neck, just enough for him to talk—barely, at least. “You have ten seconds.” She said calmly.

Penn gasped for breath. “Don't kill me! Laveka might be using me as a distraction so she can bind you again!”

The look of horror on Laveka's face was only there for a split-second, but Sashi snapped her sights to her even before she made the expression.

“Don't believe him!” Laveka cried. “What's to say _he's_ not the one that's planning to use your killing me as a distraction to slay you?”

Sashi turned back to Penn. “You both bring up good points: either of you can take my feeding as an opportunity to bind or slay me. What's to say I shouldn't devour you first?”

“I promise I won't kill you.” Penn said.

“And _how_ are you going to prove that...?” Sashi asked.

Penn held out his gauntlet and shields to the sides. “Take my weapons away again! I can't slay a demon lord with my bare hands, now, can I?”

Sashi let go of her specs and gestured with her now free hand. A minion was by shortly to take Penn's weapons, before flying far, far away with them. All in the time of a few heartbeats, the demon lord unceremoniously dropped Penn, before effortlessly gliding across the room and clutching Laveka's neck instead.

“Unfortunately for you, I'm not in the mood to seal a magician's power right now.” Sashi said before she ripped off her glasses.

Laveka screamed for all of a second. Penn averted his eyes, but there was no avoiding the feeling of unease, the dread, the feeling that there was something completely, absolutely _wrong_ happening nearby. Sashi came flying back to him, looking significantly calmer and happier, her eyes glowing a merry, unnerving hue of chocolate-gold.

“Any last words, hero?” Sashi said as she laid her hands on Penn's shoulders, digging her claws in and keeping him from escaping.

“Just one question: why'd you save me from the stairs?”

“No one deserves to die like that.” Sashi said softly. “Not even a pesky title hero like you.” Her eyes started taking that blood-gold hue once more.

Penn chuckled. “And here they were saying that demons are heartless beings...”

Sashi stopped, her eyes dimming back to their normal colour. “We _are,_ hero. Don't delude yourself into thinking we fall for such mortal foibles such as empathy and love.”

“You say that, and yet you still rescued me.”

Sashi growled. “I needed you to kill my former mistress.”

Penn grinned. “That's not what you said the first time.”

Sashi tightened her claws around his shoulders, slowly but surely getting closer to drawing blood and crushing bone. “Do you _want_ me to torture you before I kill you, hero?!”

Penn winced. “Nah, just figured I'd take my last chance to tell you before you, you know, kill me with your death vision and consume my eternal soul.”

Sashi stared at Penn, eyes searching him for any sign of deception. She scowled. “You are a strange one, hero...”

“Penn. My name's Penn. You know, since you told me yours, and all.”

“Whatever. You're still going to be my main course, whatever your name is.”

“Alright then.” Penn calmly kept his eyes open.

Sashi stared at him, her eyes flickering between the lethal blood-gold and the benign chocolate-gold.

Penn's eyes started watering from the strain, and he blinked.

Sashi kept on staring, her eyes firmly settled on chocolate-gold.

“Is staring part of the slow version of death vision or something?” Penn asked.

“You're not going to fight...?” Sashi mumbled.

“Uh… no?” Penn chuckled. “I did say I couldn't slay a demon lord without my gauntlet, and you still have it.”

The minion that had taken Penn's weapons cried out and happily showed off them off to Sashi.

“Besides, dying to and getting eaten by a hot demon like yourself isn't a bad way to go, is it?”

Sashi glared at him, before she let go of his shoulders and shoved him away. She was unaware of the way her red cheeks had started turning purple.

“Not feeling hungry anymore, Sash?” Penn asked.

“ _Don't call me Sash.”_ The demon lord growled. “And you can't fool me, hero! You're up to something, I can tell.”

Penn smiled and raised his arms up in mock surrender. “I'm still not. Honest.”

“Whatever!” Sashi threw her own arms up. “Just… get out of here until I can figure out what it is you're planning, alright?!”

“Okay, whatever you say, Sash!”

“ _ **Don't call me Sash!”**_

Penn nodded. “By the way, can I get my stuff back? My gauntlet's sort of priceless, the shield's a hand-me-down, and the rest of my stuff is pretty expensive, plus you wouldn't _believe_ the rates people pay heroes like me to save the day.”

Sashi groaned. “At the other end of the drawbridge, when you get the heck out of this castle!” She spun on her heel and snapped her fingers. “Get this fool out of my hair already!”

A swarm of flying minions buzzed around Penn and his things, hauling them off into the air and out the window.

“See ya, Sashi! And thanks again for the save!” Penn cried as he was carried out.

Sashi groaned, and shook her head. “Mortals...”

* * *

Sashi was waiting for Penn as her minions dropped him at far end of the drawbridge. He smiled at her. “Aren't you supposed to be lording over your legions right now?” He asked.

“I am.” Sashi replied. “This is just another body I made so I can keep watch over you.”

Penn blinked. “How is that possible…?”

“You forget, mortal: I'm a demon lord. I'm not constrained by your rules.”

“Right, right… mind if I ask why?”

Sashi scowled. “You're strange, mortal. _Very_ strange, and _I don't like that._ For my own safety and probably both our worlds, I'm going to keep watch over you and learn more about what makes you tic, and why you do what you do.”

Penn nodded. “So you're going to tag along as my sidekick, help me out with my daring feats and heroic adventures?”

Sashi scowled even harder, her eyes glowing blood-gold underneath her glasses. “I am not your 'sidekick', and I most _definitely_ am not going to help you out!” She suddenly looked away. “I'm a demon lord, that's beneath me...”

Penn chuckled. “Okay, Sash.”

Sashi narrowed her eyes at him. _“Don't call me Sash.”_

“Right, sorry, keep forgetting. So, anything else I should know now that we're together? Sleeping arrangements, supplies, things a demon lord like yourself might want or need?”

Sashi rolled her eyes. “Don't bother, I'm only here to observe; just treat me like I don't even exist.”

“Sorry, I can't.”

Sashi cast him a withering look. “Let me guess: your being a hero won't allow it?”

“Exactly! Heroes always treat everyone with the utmost respect, especially ladies like yourself!”

Sashi blushed and looked away, her red cheeks turning purple again. “Just… go off on your next adventure or something already, will you?!”

Penn resisted the urge to laugh. He secured a few more of his things, pulled out a water skin, and started heading off to the distance, back to civilization.

Sashi followed some distance after him, face turned down to the floor, hooves stomping at the ground, wings resolutely kept folded behind her back.

If one looked closely, you could see the leathery wings shaking and straining to spread out.


	3. Taking Trouble Into Town

There was the dangerous blood-gold hue, and then there was this—Sashi's eyes completely red, the glass of her specs shaking ominously and sounding dangerously close to cracking and shattering into a million pieces.

That Penn had hit an incredibly tender note was obvious. How he was going to get out of it? Not so much.

“I am a _D_ _emon_ _L_ _ord,_ Penn!” Sashi screamed , her voice shaking the world around them. “I hide my true nature for _no one!_ If these people have a problem with that, then I guess I know which town I'm going to raze next!”

Penn slowly, carefully raised his hands up in surrender, however little that'd help. He didn't know what he could say to pacify an angry demon lord, so he said the only thing he did know:

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you.”

The air around Sashi still reeked of an indescribable, unnerving _wrongness_ , but at least streaks of gold were slowly seeping back into her eyes. “Then why did you just say that to me, huh?!”

“I was trying to protect you.”

Sashi blinked. Almost immediately, the red flooded out of her eyes, replaced with that rich chocolate brown. “What...?"

Penn spoke slowly, choosing his words with the utmost care. “I was trying to keep you safe from the townspeople. Laveka's been terrorizing these guys for years; even if she's gone, I think they're not going be too happy to see a demon walking in their streets, free of her control or not.”

Sashi snorted. “Well, that's their problem, not mine.”

 _'And it's gonna be mine pretty soon, too.'_ Penn thought to himself. “How about we work on a compromise?” He asked.

Sashi looked at him. “My answer's going to be 'No,' but you know what? If you want to waste your breath, I'm not stopping you.” She crossed her arms.

“How about you don't c _ompletely_ disguise yourself as a human, but you hide most of your demonic features and look like a lesser demon?”

Sashi scowled and her eyes turned blood-gold again, but they weren't completely red nor was the world experiencing a localized apocalypse, so Penn counted that as a win. “Won't that neatly ruin your plan to pretend I'm not a demon?”

“Yeah, but I've got a new plan: we hide the fact that you're a demon lord.” Red seeped in. “Or we make it not so obvious from just a glance!” Red seeped out. “There's a huge difference between the fuss a town's going raise with a demon lord walking into town vs just a regular minion—or a demon lord that looks like a regular minion, in this case—and I don't think they'll attack you on sight if you're disguised.”

“And what if they _still_ try to hurt me, even if I make it clear to them I mean them no harm?”

“Then you get free reign to kill them and eat their souls. Your attackers, I mean, not everyone in the vicinity. Look, honestly speaking, this is a _really_ big town and there's only so much of them this far out; I'd like to be able to keep most of my bridges unburnt as much as I can while you're traveling with me.”

Sashi nodded slowly. “Alright, shocking as it seems, you've actually persuaded me, hero. But, how about we play a little game, make things less boring? You pick and choose which parts of me to hide, and if you choose something I still want to keep, the deal's off.”

She smirked. “Sound fun?”

Penn nodded. “Alright! Just give me five minutes.”

“You've got ten seconds, starting now.”

Penn started furiously examining Sashi, circling around her, taking in every last detail, remembering every last tic, signal, and types of body language he'd ever seen her do. The demon lord stood by, unaffected, but as the seconds dragged on and she started feeling the sheer intensity of his stare, her cool started to waver and purple started to seep back into her cheeks.

“… Your ten seconds are up.” Sashi mumbled.

It'd been a lot more than that, but Penn never noticed and Sashi was never going to tell.

Penn returned to his place in front of Sashi, a confident look on his face. “Skin, hair colour, hooves. You can keep your tail, your wings, your claws, your tail, and your original eye colour.” He said, pointing to each part he mentioned.

Sashi reflexively opened her mouth to tell him he'd gotten it wrong. Then, a split-second later, she realized he'd actually gotten all of them _right_ , which left her standing there with a confused look on her face and her mouth hanging agape.

Penn grinned, and resisted the urge to say anything.

Sashi glared at him and ran her hands over herself. Her features changed: the deep ebony of her hair turned into a dark brown, brilliant gold and purple at the tips; her red skin turned to a more human tan; her hooves shifted and changed, morphing into a set of thick leather boots with rather noticeable heels.

Her horns retained their obsidian blackness, her tail and her wings their natural fiery red, and her clothes were still made of the enchanted black leather and blood-brass of the Underworld.

Penn stared at her. Sashi ignored it.

Penn kept on staring. Sashi's eyes started glowing a pale blood-gold. “What? What's wrong _this_ time?” She asked.

“You, uh… you might want to change your clothes, too.” Penn said before he awkwardly looked to the side, his cheeks starting to burn red.

Sashi groaned and rolled her eyes. “What? This is what all demons tend to wear, it's not unusual!”

“Yeah but… you don't look so much like a demon anymore, without the red skin, so now you just… uh...” Penn trailed off, suddenly taking an intense interest in the grass.

Sashi's eyes widened. “Are you saying I look like a--”

Sashi quickly ran her hands over her clothes, changing them to a more human design. She now wore a red leather vest with brass buckles and studs, a plain shirt underneath it, and her legs were now fully covered in durable, rough looking pants.

“We never speak of this ever again, alright?” Sashi growled, glaring at Penn before she angrily stomped past him. Once more, she never noticed the way her newly tanned cheeks were burning red.

Penn nodded dumbly and followed after her into town, where their troubles _really_ started.

* * *

At first sight, the townsfolk paid Penn and Sashi little heed. Then they did a double take, realized she was a demon, and the panic started. In the beginning, they walked faster and hung their heads, assuming Penn was just sneaking up on Sashi before slaying her. When the village's border houses and businesses were in sight, the screaming and the running began, people hiding their children, their valuables, and their animals inside their homes before shutting the windows and barring their doors.

“Hey, uh, Sash?” Penn said quietly as he looked the dozens of curious, confused, and worried eyes staring at them. “I think it might be a good idea if we leave and go find another town.”

“Nonsense.” Sashi replied, doing her best to hide her irritation. “We're already here, and I'm not about to waste precious time watching you try to rest and restock elsewhere. These mortals are just going to have to deal with me.”

They reached the village gate, and the whole town guard along with a motley crew of adventurers of varying levels of experience formed a human barrier, their weapons out, the looks on their faces making it obvious that Sashi wasn't welcome.

The demon lord growled and readied her claws, her eyes turning back into blood-gold.

Penn quickly rushed forward and put himself between her and the head of the barricade—a heavily armoured looking soldier wielding a spear, in the company of two veteran adventurers.

“Woah, woah, _woah!”_ Penn cried. _“Easy,_ folks, no need to get violent here!”

“Step away from the demon, hero.” The captain of the guard growled. “Trust me, all will be clear once you're free from her charms.”

Penn blinked. “Charms? Wait, no, guys, listen! Before any of you go try to murder each other: she's with me, and she's not here to cause trouble!”

A wave of confusion spread all throughout the line. “You bound a demon to you…?” The captain asked.

Sashi cringed. “Look here, _mortals:_ I am bound to _no one,_ nor do I owe anyone loyalties except for myself!”

“To be clear, she used to be Laveka's minion, until I freed her.” Penn explained. “Well, Laveka freed her, and then Sashi here killed Laveka, so I guess it's pretty much sure she's independent or something...”

The captain paused, the others started lowering their arms and casting confused looks at each other. “Lady Laveka's dead?”

“Yes, and before you go throwing him a parade and offering him your mayor's daughter or anything, _I_ was the one that did the deed.”

“I was there, it was all her!” Penn quickly added. “I guess that makes _her_ the saviour of your town.”

The captain stared, trying to process all this. “Everyone, stand down; no weapons or hostility until we figure out just what is going on here.”

Some were relieved, others were disappointed, the rest were indifferent, sheathing their arms and breaking formation. Curious civilians opened their doors and windows to see what happened for themselves.

“Hero—Penn, was it?” The captain asked. Penn nodded, and they continued. “Please, the both of you come with us to the jail; we need to ask you about what happened back at the late Laveka's castle, and about the demon.”

“Sashi.” Penn said. “Her name is _Sashi.”_

The captain cast a wary glance at Sashi before turning back to Penn. “Right… Sashi. She will need to be held under careful watch and armed guard.”

Sashi shrugged. “Fine with me.”

The captain instinctively grabbed their spear, before reluctantly putting it at rest by their shoulder. They hailed several more guards, a handful of them forming a semi-circle around Sashi.

“Please, this way.” The captain said as they started marching towards the jail.

Penn followed, wondering just what he had gotten himself into this time.

Sashi glided after him, wondering who of the guards she'd eat first.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, the names for chapters have stopped. It seems this story doesn't seem to want them.

“… And then I killed Laveka and devoured her soul, was almost about to do the same thing to Penn, then I realized that this hero was far too strange for him not to be up to something. You might not be aware of it, what with your pitiful lifespans and your inability to cross between dimensions, but when you kill someone like him, there's a good tendency you start some sort of prophecy that either culminates with the world ending as the natives know it or me getting slain.

“And trust me, I _like_ this dimension, and I like not being slain even more.”

The town guard's scribe nodded and checked Sashi's story against what they'd already written. “And this is _all_ of it?”

Sashi groaned, her eyes starting to glow a mild blood-gold. She slammed her claws on the table, cracking a good section of the wood and rocking the whole jail. The scribe reared back in fear, their writing protectively clutched to their chest.

“Oh, by the Gloomy Gates of the Underworld and every other location that can describe what kind of arse of an armpit I've found myself in, _yes_ , that's all of it!” She yelled. “I know you mortals are infamous for your wide spread of pitiful mental capacities, but how moronic can you people get?!

“Don't answer that, because apparently, I'm stuck in a never-ending process of finding out!”

When Sashi dejectedly slumped back into her seat, the scribe carefully set their pen and their paper back down to the table. “Just making sure...” They mumbled.

“I'd thought we'd gotten to the point of 'sure' when you asked me to repeat my story from the top, tell it backwards, then repeat it in anachronic order, and finally tell it from the top again, but apparently, you humans have some _pretty_ thick skulls.” Sashi said flatly.

Her eyes started glowing a more menacing hue. “Tell you what: if you're tired of hearing the same story over and over again, I can tell you _lots_ of different ones, specifically _all_ the _excruciatingly_ painful and _horrifically_ slow ways I've dealt with anyone that has annoyed me, demon or mortal.”

The scribe gulped. “That won't be necessary. Excuse me.” They gathered their things and ran from the room as quickly as they could.

Sashi grumbled under her breath and buried her head into her claws. The glow of her eyes seeped through the slats in her fingers, the two handfuls of guards around her nervously clutched their weapons and readied their spells and charms, just in case.

“Is your judicial process always this incredibly slow, inefficient, and moronic?” Sashi asked without looking up.

The guards didn't reply.

“Thought so.”

After what seemed like an eternity—though that might have been inadequate, considering that every passing second felt like it—the captain of the guard returned to the interrogation room. “We've verified and thoroughly investigated your case.” They said. “You are free to go about our town, within reason, but please do not take this to mean that we will stop keeping watchful eyes over you.”

Sashi opened her wings, and with a massive blast that sent her guards staggering back and their weapons flying, she flew past the captain and through the open door. The captain and the guards looked at each other uneasily, now that they realized they really were nothing more than show against Sashi.

In the receiving area, Penn got up from his seat in the corner and smiled at Sashi. “Hey, Sashi, have fun in there?”

Sashi growled ominously, her tail rearing back like a snake about to strike.

“Right, let's get out of here.” Penn said, still smiling and gesturing to the exit. Sashi wordlessly flew out of the town jail and to the streets outside.

It was late morning when they set out from Laveka's castle, early afternoon by the time they had arrived in town, and now after so many hours being interrogated, night had fallen on the land.

The day's work, the animals, and the children playing in the streets had already been safely stowed away in their sheds, stables, and homes. What few businesses were still open this late were shops filled with everyday necessities for the late-night shopper; the criminal, the questionable, and the mysterious elements with their large cloaks, their street displays, and their wagons full of exotic fare and mysterious decoration; and of course, the ever present taverns with their abundance of cheap alcohol, relatively decent food, and rooms for those that needed them.

Sashi sighed. Wasted time meant little to her, but it did to Penn, which annoyed her; there would be no going off on an adventure till late morning, at best, unless the hero suddenly found himself with a particularly urgent quest.

“Just a heads up: I'm turning in for the night, and all of tomorrow morning's going to be filled with shopping, repairing, and resupplying.” Penn said as he came up behind her. “You know, the boring, necessary stuff in between all the action, the daring heroics, and the battling evil fiends.”

Sashi looked at him, her eyes glowing a soft, pale yellow in the darkness. “What, they wouldn't let you trade while I was being interrogated?”

“I was waiting for you, actually;” Penn replied. “Had a feeling I shouldn't leave you alone back there.”

Sashi smirked. “Were you afraid I was going to start killing people and eating their souls, and you'd be the 'only one that could stop me'?”

Penn nodded. “That, and terrible things tend to suck less when you've got a friend with you.” He smiled.

Sashi blinked. She was about to question his choice of words when Penn turned around and headed to one of the taverns nearby, the large building a shining beacon among the street lamps. “I'm assuming you don't want to watch me do all that boring stuff or hover over me while I sleep —and in case you do, could you not do that last one, because that is _really_ creepy—so I guess you're free to go do whatever till tomorrow afternoon!” He said as he walked away.

Sashi frowned. “You say that as if you control me.”

Penn looked over his shoulder with that smile still on his face. “Well, you did say that you're only here to watch me do my thing; kinda easy to assume your plans are going to be based of my plans.” He explained.

“… Right. Which is why I'm not going away, I'm coming with you.” Sashi started flying after him. “You know, to keep watch over you, make sure you're not going to use my absence to plot something against me.”

Penn shrugged. “Suit yourself! Guess I'm gonna have to get used to a hot demon watching me sleep every night.” He said. “Not the worst thing in the world, now that I think about it.”

Sashi blushed, but Penn never noticed.

To none of their surprise, the outside of the tavern was full of drunks staggering home, harassing passersby, or just standing around talking, laughing, and drinking. Too drunk to notice or too drunk to care, some of them hooted and catcalled Sashi, the more creative among them making some interesting comments about her demonic features.

Penn worriedly looked back at Sashi, but the demon was just gritting her teeth and keeping her eyes forward. Drunken slurs and lewd remarks were practically part of the atmosphere; excruciating, painful death was reserved only for those that actually dared touch her.

Inside the bar was more sobriety and better light, making the people much more wary and careful of Sashi. Some of the customers abandoned their drinks, their friends, and attractive members of their preferred gender for safety, while the servers gave them a wide berth, going so far as to circle the entire length of the tavern just to avoid crossing paths with her.

The only person that could not flee was the owner, stuck as they were behind the counter with their money. They didn't get to completely weigh the value of their gold to their life when Penn came up to the counter, already pulling out his sack of coins.

The owner cast a worried look at Sashi before turning to Penn with a forced smile on their face. “Yes, how can I help you?” They asked, their voice shaking.

“I'd like a room for two for tonight, please.” Penn asked as he reached into his pouch. “How much?”

The owner's eyes widened. “No, no, _no!_ No demons! No demons in my rooms, no sir! You'll just have to find some other establishment!”

Penn sighed. “She doesn't mean anyone any harm, I think we've already proved that.”

“She's still a demon! Now, I must politely ask you to please leave or just get a room for one, before I have to have my guards throw you out!”

Said guards simultaneously took on faces that said, “Who, me?” and pretended to be off-duty.

“She saved your town, remember?” Penn shot back. “If it weren't for her, this place might have been filled with demons wrecking and drinking everything instead of paying customers, so could you at _least_ give us both a room for the night? I'll even pay double, if that's what it takes."

The owner's eyes widened as they had horrific flashbacks about the times Laveka's former minions had done just that. They grew quiet for a while, before they spoke again. “You can have a room, regular price. But, your demon stays up in the attic!”

Penn scowled. “You know what? Forget the room, just give it to the next traveler that needs it; just give me a few blankets and I'm staying up there with her myself. How much?”

The owner looked at Penn in confusion, but made no protest; Penn paid the price of a room for a stay in the attic, a helper got him a pillow and several thick blankets, and the hero started making his way up the stairs.

Sashi followed after him, a frown on her face. “You know you didn't have to do that; I'd have found some other way to keep my eyes on you.”

“Yeah, well I wanted to, Sash. You may be a demon, but no one deserves to be treated that badly.”

Sashi fell quiet, and silently hovered behind him till they reached the attic above.

It was immediately obvious why the owner would tolerate Sashi staying up here; the place was old, creaky, and drafty, neglected and dusty but for boards nailed to holes and a few other few repairs to keep the roof in one piece and the damage here from seeping to the rooms down below.

Penn found a relatively dry and warm corner, set his things down, and made a little bed roll with the extra blankets and the pillow. He had a calm look on his face, one that said this wasn't the first time he'd ever slept in such inhospitable conditions, nor was it the worst. The hero set an anti-theft charm on his things just in case, took off the chain mail and heavier metal bits of his armour, and set himself down to sleep.

“Night, Sashi.” He said before he turned unconscious at the snap of the fingers.

Sashi looked at him; without most of his armour, Penn was clad only in a simple old tunic and breeches, revealing the skinny body underneath all that metal, and the few but noticeable bits of musculature he'd gained over his adventures. He slept peacefully and easily, the kind of calm that came with the knowledge that tomorrow you would wake up tomorrow to another day of good fortune and happiness.

A draft blew into the attic, making the chilly space even colder. Penn shivered and pulled the blankets tightly against him, but they weren't going to do much.

Sashi frowned, and glided over to him, careful not to flap any gusts of air to him. She laid down beside him, opened her leather vest, and pulled his head to her soft shirt and her warm body underneath. She wrapped her wings around him like a cocoon, shielding him from the cold.

Still asleep, Penn smiled.

Still awake, Sashi smiled back.

There were going to be repercussions, consequences, and mistaken assumptions from this, Sashi knew.

She'd think of them. Tomorrow. When she could keep an objective distance and not be distracted by thoughts like how it felt rather good to be doing this.


	5. Chapter 5

If there was any good thing out of this, getting kicked out the attic, through a brand new hole in the wall, and dangling for your life from the edge of a three story drop was a _fantastic_ way to wake up in the morning.

The haze of sleep, the pleasant sensations of warmth and softness, and the comfortable calm of just rousing from slumber—all were gone in an instant, replaced by a very real, very powerful, and very, _very_ urgent desire to _not_ die, mostly by not letting one's fingers slip off from the edge.

Penn would have screamed if he were a less veteran hero, but instead, he just looked around at the side of the tavern he'd found himself in for any places where he might plant his feet to gain some leverage and pull himself back up to safety, or failing that, look for a trader who was out this early in the morning, who he could hail to bring their cart full of hay or other soft, cushioning contents directly below him.

He was in the middle of kicking and feeling the wall for a notch, a bar, or a sill while he tried to look for someone who wasn't carting sharp objects, heavy metal containers, or a load of bricks when he felt a familiar sensation: two claws digging into his shoulders, a tail wrapping around his waist, and a demon sending him up into the air and back onto the floor of the attic.

Penn's heart was racing, his eyes darting all over the place to take in as much important information as possible, whole body still in survival mode. Out of sheer reflex, they settled on Sashi, intently studying the demon.

Her leather vest was still open, left hanging at her sides to reveal the soft shirt underneath and the outline of her feminine features. She was blushing, almost her entire face turning from tan to completely red. Her chocolate-gold eyes were wide open, her wings were spread, twitching and ready to blast off at any moment, her whole body sending out a single, clear message:

“We never speak of this ever again, or I kill you and eat your soul.”

Penn slowly relaxed, put on his armour, and got ready to leave the tavern. Sashi turned around and intently avoided looking at him for the rest of their stay in the in, accidentally forgetting to button up her vest in the process.

As none of the staff nor the innkeeper had gained any bravery since last night, all they knew off was that there was a hero who was intent on sharing a room with his demon companion, there was a loud ruckus just this morning and the sound of something breaking, and now the two of them were descending the stairs and to the counter pretending to look like nothing had ever happened, and completely failing at it.

The owner took one look at the disheveled Penn looking like he had just had a brush with death, and at Sashi who was avoiding eye contact with everyone, her vest still undone and her shirt noticeably wrinkled around her chest. They said nothing as Penn wordlessly dropped more gold onto the counter.

As the two of them left for the streets, now fixed up and somewhat presentable, one of the employees hung a new sign outside the door:

“No Demons, No Exceptions”

* * *

The silence and the avoidance continued up until they were at the town hall, by the treasurer's counter and receiving Penn's payment for taking care of Laveka. Whoever had finally dealt with the sorceress, his contract still required the town to pay him.

The clerk measured out an exact amount of coins and handed it past the bars to Penn. Penn nodded and thanked them. All the while, Sashi looked warily at the pittance in front of them. She didn't often deal with mortal currency, but the signs of getting ripped off appeared universal.

The demon grabbed Penn's hand as he was about to scoop up the coins into his bag. “Are you _kidding_ me?” She asked the treasurer.

The look of calm and friendliness on the clerk's face disappeared. “We've given him the amount stipulated in his contract, the one he had agreed to.”

Sashi's look of disbelief changed to disgust as she turned to Penn. “You agreed to get paid this much?”

Penn nodded. “To be fair, heroing isn't about the money.”

“Yeah, no.” Sashi said flatly, before she let go of Penn's hand and shoved the money right back across the bars. “Give him more. At least double this, if you want to test my patience, triple, if you'd rather not risk it.”

“I don't have the authority to change the terms of our agreement, especially payment.” The clerk mumbled quietly and automatically.

Sashi leaned in close, till her blood-gold eyes were peering straight into the clerk's. _“Well then find me someone who does.”_

Fifteen minutes later, the two of them were walking out of the town hall and towards the market place, Penn's coin pouch significantly heavier than it was earlier.

“I thought you said you wouldn't help me out.” Penn said.

“I 'changed the terms of our agreement.'” Sashi said. “I'd rather you not die of starvation or have to waste your precious lifespan doing odd jobs just to make ends meet. Why did you even agree to that price in the first place?”

Penn shrugged. “They said that was all they could spare.”

“ _Wrong:_ that was all they wanted to give you. There's a difference. By the Gloomy Gates of the Underworld, how did you ever manage this heroing business without me? Were you just _constantly_ ripped off everywhere you go?”

Penn shrugged. “It's not about the money, Sash.”

“Yeah, well it's a pretty important part too, don't you think? You know what? Give me that!” Sashi effortlessly snatched the coin pouch from Penn's belt with her tail and fastened it to her own belt. “You'll probably end up giving away half of it to every beggar, cripple, and orphan we pass by.”

Penn looked away and said nothing.

“From now on, I'm going to be in charge of your finances. You're too generous and kind for your own good.”

“Could you at least not threaten people until _after_ we're sure they're trying to rip me off?”

“Deal.”

They spent the morning at the town's center of commerce, walking through dozens of stalls and shops with displays proudly set out and gleaming in the day's light, merchants barking and hailing customers to them, and no shortage of charlatans, thieves, and beggars every couple of paces.

Normally, even a hero that had just saved the town would get no mercy from the pickpockets, the cut-purses, and the “clumsy shoppers,” but one look from Sashi quickly created an invisible barrier around them that made thieves and swindlers veer well away from their path, merchants and craftsmen offer much better deals for their goods and services, and beggars plead and beg to every kindred soul except them.

Shopping for supplies, unloading unnecessary items, and performing maintenance had never been faster for Penn; it was mid-morning by the time he was well and truly set up to go off to another quest or journey--a record.

“How _do_ you get into this adventuring nonsense, anyway?” Sashi asked as the two of them settled on one of a series of benches for lounging. “Do you just happen to run into damsels in distress, people who need you to rescue their children, and waltz right into towns and places that are being terrorized?”

“Sometimes,” Penn replied. “Mostly, though, I look through wanted ads, ask around, and on occasion I'm requested personally.”

“Famous? Or just another adventurer?”

“Well, I do seem to have a kind of public presence, so I'd say semi-famous!” Penn gestured to the vast amount of empty space on their bench and the ones directly adjacent to it, everyone else in the area contentedly cramming themselves into every other bench.

Sashi looked and smirked. “Very funny. You going to get out to looking for those soon, or are you going to spend a few more hours wasting more of your time?”

“Hey, relaxation is an important part of any life! Didn't you ever take any time to just go off and do something fun, back when you were commanding your legions?”

“Yes. I flogged demons and forced them scream as girlishly as they could when I needed to punish them; that, hero, is called efficiency.”

Penn nodded. “But haven't you ever just done something for the sake of doing it? Like a hobby?”

Sashi snorted. “Hobbies are just another one of your silly mortal constructs; I've no need for something whose only purpose is to waste time. Speaking of which...” She looked meaningfully at Penn.

Penn mockingly raised his arms in surrender. “Hey, can you blame you me for wanting to spend a few minutes just talking to you? It's nice.”

Sashi thought so, too, but she wasn't going to say it out loud.

The two of them left the area, and two guards took the bench they had sat on away to be set on fire.

They eventually made it to one of the many wanted boards in town, a post or a slab of wood set up by a major thoroughfare or a tavern. They were filled to the brim with papers and notices, some officially sanctioned by the town, most of them put up at random with the hopes that someone would answer them before the guards tore it down. Unsurprisingly, most of the jobs were simple manual labour, one that needed a strong back, a lot of patience, and a willingness to work hard for small pay. Most of the ones that did require combat training or adventuring were equally unglamorous.

“How about this one?” Penn said as he pointed at the paper. “'Local researcher needs adventurer to gather samples of Big Butte Bear butts for research; will pay for individual arses in reasonable condition, bonus for every twenty.”

Sashi wrinkled her nose. “Ugh. Pass!”

“It pays good money!”

“Which you won't need, now that you have me to make sure you don't constantly get taken advantage off!” Sashi pointed to a different one close by. “What about this one?”

Penn took one look at the address, and cringed. “Uh, yeah, no… kind of temporarily banned there for a while.”

Sashi paused and looked curiously at him.

“It was all a big misunderstanding, one I'm sure they will realize only when I am far, _far_ away from the area.”

Sashi smirked. “So, you're not a complete goody two-shoes after all...” She purred.

Penn looked away. “I'm not particularly proud of what happened back there...” His eyes fell on a notice that had gotten the shaft of positions, way down on the bottom where it was liable to get blown off by the wind or go unnoticed altogether. He squatted down to read it. “What about this one?

“'Wizard needs Adventurers to find and retrieve Stolen Magical Item. Can pay in snacks, in gold, and/or magical items of equal value.'”

Sashi bent down studied it more closely. “Decent enough, provided they actually own anything that's worth something; magicians are a mixed bag when it comes to actually paying you.”

Penn smiled at her. “I take it that's a 'Yes'?”

“That you're on your own in getting there? Yes.” Sashi replied playfully as she blasted a gust of wind into Penn's face, rattling the board and nearly ripping off the postings there.

Penn laughed and followed after her.


	6. Chapter 6

It was as if a tornado had run through the house, then an earthquake had dislodged everything, and a particularly tall, powerful, and agile child with a vicious streak came and knocked everything else over, giggling maniacally the whole time. To call the wizard's home a pig sty would be an affront to pigs everywhere; at the very least, when you entered that, you would only get mud on your feet or the friendly attentions of a pig, not almost get killed by an avalanche of random objects, some distinctly magical and dangerous.

Sashi scowled at the pile as she hovered a few feet away and off the ground. Penn in her arms, being carried up by his armpits. “I don't like this place even more...” The demon mumbled.

“Eh,” Penn tried to shrug. “Life-Threatening Danger and ignoring your sense of self-preservation's kind of essential skills for the job. Could you put me down?”

Sashi sighed, and reluctantly set Penn down on the clear patch of land just in front of the chaos. The hero studied the disaster area before him, before carefully making his way into the rest of the house. The demon followed after him shortly, ready to pull him up and away in case the entrance wasn't the only death trap.

No stranger to places that abandoned all semblance of civility and order, Penn made his way through the anarchy in good time, trying not to step onto anything that had spilled out of containers, fell from shelves, or shattered on the floor. Actually hailing from a place that abandoned all semblance of civility and order, Sashi wrinkled her nose at the similarities to her homeland, and carefully hovered over the mess, avoiding the strings of items on the ceiling and precariously dangling objects.

They found the wizard who lived there in one of the few clear places in the entire house, a small circle whereupon there was a crystal ball, a comfortable chair, and a convenient side table upon which rested a bowl of snacks and a large decanter of some form of bubbling beverage. The magician himself was lounging back, absently shoveling handfuls of crackling pig ears into his mouth while his eyes were glued to the moving images on the surface of the crystal.

The wizard laughed, raining chewed bits and crumbs all over his already filthy robes. “Heh—two coconuts, then the third comes a few seconds after! Genius...” He chuckled softly to himself and went back to watching.

Penn carefully maneuvered and stepped beside the wizard's chair. Sashi hovered by him, wings gently flapping so as to not disturb anything, least of all the wizard's mess. The hero waited patiently, calmly examining his surroundings and taking the details into account. The wizard kept on watching, eating and drinking obliviously. The demon's eyes narrowed with each passing second before she groaned, and tapped the wizard on his shoulder.

The wizard turned to them, took a second to process the appearance of two strangers in his house, before he smiled. He wiped his hands on the few (relatively) clean parts of his robe and got up off his chair.

“Oh hey! You guys must be here for the job!” He said. “I'm Boone, the wizard in the ad—in case you couldn't tell, and all.”

Sashi rolled her eyes while Penn offered his hand. “We are! I'm Penn, and this is Sashi.” He pointed to the demon with his other hand.

Sashi just grunted and kept her hands to herself, but Boone didn't seem to mind. The wizard waved his hand at the crystal ball, and the images changed, this time showing a simplified illustration of his home, one being projected into the air above. “Don't worry, it's just a simple job, maybe just a few days of tracking and asking around, then you and your servant/mercenary/slave/whatever-he-is can get paid and go off and do whatever your thing is! Don't worry, I don't judge.”

Sashi smiled. She was starting to like this wizard already.

Then Boone took a quick sip of his drink, spurted it back up through his nose and on Sashi, treating her to a spray of carbonated syrup-water and masticated pork bits.

Sashi scowled. She retracted her earlier statement and growled menacingly.

Boone coughed and wheezed. “Ugh, I got bubbles up my nose, sorry…” He mumbled as he wiped his face on his sleeve. “Anyway, 'bout a week ago, some nasty dudes broke into my house and stole something.”

The images changed, to show two humanoid figures—one with a spiky head of hair and a deep scowl on their face, the other pudgy and happy—breaking into Boone's house, before quickly running away with an item between them.

“I need you guys to get it back ASAP.” Boone said as the crystal ball shut off.

Penn nodded. “Sounds simple enough. What did they steal, anyway?”

Boone shrugged. “I don't know, some kind of lock box or something? It looks like it's meant to keep something important, but I never could get it, so I guess whatever's inside must be valuable to someone.”

A wave of unease suddenly swept over them and all the land, forcing both mortals clutch their heads and sway from nausea. It wasn't the kind of disturbance that came from appearance of some Great Evil nor the death of some Great Good—no, this was the kind of ill that came from the world's balance of Right and Wrong going terribly, _terribly_ askew.

Penn tried to will the world to stop swaying. “What was that…?”

Boone shrugged as he stumbled about. “I don't know, but--” He paused as he noticed Sashi kneeling on the floor, head turned down and clutching her chest as if something had just struck her right in her heart. “Hey, she okay…?” He said steadied himself on his armchair.

Penn frowned and carefully meandered over to Sashi, and put a hand on her shoulder. “Hey, Sash, something up…?”

Sashi's eyes shot wide open. Penn was blasted onto one of the many piles and sent sprawling on his back. In the blink of an eye, Boone suddenly found himself slammed against the far wall, Sashi's claws digging into the collar of his robe, her eyes locked on his, her specs _just_ keeping Boone from suffering a slow, _excruciating_ death from the dangerous blood-gold glow of her eyes.

“What was it?!” She screamed in his face.

“I-I already told you man, it was a lock box!” Boone cried.

“What did it look like?! Was it black, smooth, and glassy, like obsidian?!”

“I don't know!” Boone cried. “It was always covered in black stuff, and I never really got around to cleaning it...”

“ _What_ kind of black stuff?” Sashi growled.

Penn put a hand on her shoulder, she snapped her head to him, the glow of her Death Vision dimming just a tad. “Hey, Sash? Just a suggestion here, but I think we might get some better answers out of him when you're not slamming him against a wall.” He said casually.

Sashi growled and unceremoniously let go of Boone, letting him crash to the floor. She flew off to the wizard's lounging area, while Penn helped Boone back to his feet. The two of them ignored the new stain on the front of the wizard's robes and followed suit.

Boone settled back into his chair, clutching his drink in one shaking hand, Penn and Sashi standing before him. The hero had on a gentle, caring look on his face that said Boone was in no danger, they only wanted answers; the demon had on a murderous, enraged look on hers that said they had _better_ be good ones.

“Better now?” Penn asked.

Boone nodded. “Kinda...” He mumbled.

“How about we start from the very beginning: how did you get that box?” Penn asked.

Boone shrugged. “It just kinda got here, I guess. I don't really remember buying it off of anyone, so I think I might have picked it up on the road somewhere or someone might have thrown it in as part of a deal.”

Sashi put her claw to her face, Penn nodded and silently urged him to keep going.

“I didn't really examine it, you know? It just looked like a regular old lock box, and the black stuff on it was hard to wash off and stained _really_ bad. Like, 'can't even magic it away' bad. I didn't want to know what was in it _that_ badly, so in the pile it went.”

Sashi groaned. “Did it _ever_ occur to you that that box might have been an artefact of great, _unimaginable_ power, one that might threaten the very existence of your universe?”

Boone blinked then slowly shook his head.

Penn frowned and turned to Sashi. “I take it you know this box?”

Sashi sighed. “Yes. Unfortunately.” She took a breath, and sighed heavily. “Get yourselves in order, me whatever strongest drinks or poisons you have on you, and someplace for all of us to sit down; I need to tell you just how _badly_ you've messed up.”

* * *

They sat at Boone's kitchen table. The wizard had a new decanter of his sugary drink in his hands, Sashi took huge gulps out of a large collection of poisons and toxic materials, while Penn contented himself with water.

The demon lord topped off a bottle of Doomshroom Juice, and sighed. She looked at Penn and Boone in turn, nodded, and started telling the story.

“Long ago, there was a sorceress who was the right mix of crazy, dumb, and genius, the kind that leads to some _very_ bad places indeed. Most of what she did was insane and insanely dangerous to anyone and everyone, but she had it _especially_ bad for us demons.

“And there was no caste she loved terrorizing more than Demon Lords like myself.”

“In the beginning, she was just a menace that was worse than most, the name you'd be cursing when she found some way to banish your immunity to your own Eternal Crotch-Itching spell. Then, as her rap sheet grew, she got more and more daring until it finally culminated to her magnum opus:

“A prison that can trap a demon lord, one so incredibly complicated it was impossible to escape once you were stuck inside, yet so astoundingly simple that a child could accidentally use it and never realize just what exactly they had done.

“I lost a good portion of my legions and a century or two killing her. We destroyed everything—her notes, her works, every last trace of everything she ever did. The one thing we couldn't, however, was that _damn_ box.

“So I did the next best thing: I hid it deep underneath the ground, down to where the earth gets so hot it turns into molten magma and even _I_ was starting to break a sweat. It'd take a lot more than that to destroy it, but it'd take just as much to unearth it again.

“You have to understand: no demon can handle that box without getting trapped themselves. It was only by the grace of my own arcanologists' research and several hundred thousand expendable minions that I wasn't trapped in there in the second I grabbed it.

“So it waited for all this time, just floating along in a river of blazing hot magma, too deep for any mortal to retrieve, too dangerous for any demon to even try to come near it. I knew it was still out there, but for these past centuries, I'd gone with the assumption that it was as good as destroyed.

Sashi sighed as she popped open a bottle of Hungering Bog Slime. “Figures it'd come back to haunt me eventually.”

“But how did it get out from under the ground?” Penn asked.

“A volcano erupting and throwing it out alongside the lava and ash, I'd assume.” Sashi replied before she took a swig. “I doubt anyone would take the time to devise any sort of spell and technique to retrieve the box; there are _many_ more artefacts hiding in this world that are far easier to get and just as dangerous.”

“But how did whoever know what it is, exactly?” Boone asked. “Magic's kind of complicated stuff.”

Sashi gritted her teeth. _“The bitch wrote instructions on the side._ We tried to etch it out but it always magically reformed. The important thing is, some mortal has it, and intentionally or not, they've used it to trap a demon lord—and I _know_ it's me.”

“But how are you still—oh, right, Demon Lord, sorry.” Boone said.

“The box can't steal a demon lord's power—she never got around the rule that you have to slay them first—but while my original self is in there, I'm as good as dead according to Demonic Law. And also according to those rules: 'They who slay them, gets their stuff.'”

Penn's eyes widened in realization. “So now we've got someone running around in total command of your legions...” He mumbled.

 _“Yes,”_ Sashi said flatly as she drained her latest bottle of poison. “And unless an especially powerful kingdom musters all of their forces to go on a prolonged, brutal campaign against my legions instead of just letting them have this whole land and its neighbours for themselves, there's nothing we can do to stop them.”

The room was silent as Penn stared at the floor and Sashi picked out a new, especially dangerous substance from the remaining bottles.

“… Well, not _nothing_...” Boone mumbled. “There is one thing I think that'll work. Kinda.”

Penn looked up at him, Sashi's hands stopped on the bottles. Boone took a sip of his drink, and started explaining.


	7. Chapter 7

“There's a kingdom to the far west from here, some place called Mooni? Maani? Mewni? I never could get it right.” Boone said. “Anyway, the princess of the royal family there's turning fourteen this month, probably enough time for you guys to get there on the day itself if you set off within the next three days or so.”

“And _why_ exactly would we want to go attend some royal brat's birthday?” Sashi asked.

 _"Because_ she's also totally inheriting her mother's magical wand on her big day! That thing has the power to destroy the entire universe if it falls into the wrong hands; it's one of the Big Deals in the wizarding world, but like you said, there's tons of other universe-destroying artefacts you can find that are _way_ easier to get, so we don't really talk about it much.”

“But will she be willing to help us, is the question?” Penn asked. “I mean, there's always the chance we'll happen upon some sort of urgent quest that'll win the royal family's eternal gratitude and loyalty, but still...”

Boone chuckled. “I'm no expert on teenage girls, but I hear the princess is a _total_ adrenaline junkie—fighting monsters, taming wild unicorns, and all that kind of stuff. I think she'd be pretty cool with helping you guys defeat whoever stole the box and trapped Big Sashi in it.”

Sashi got up off the chair. “So it's settled, then: we're heading off to Mewni.”

Boone waved. “Have a nice trip you guys! Sorry about the job being a bust, but eh, you know magical artefacts and heroic quests!”

Sashi stayed where she was, eyes locked on Boone. Boone frowned and looked at her in confusion. “What?” He asked.

“You're coming with us, wizard; however clueless you were while that box was still in your possession, I'd rather have _some_ expertise on magic than none.”

Boone sucked in a breath. “Uh… yeah… about that… you see, my planner's kind of _really_ full for the whole month, and I can't exactly just go out on a sudden trip overseas just like that, so… you know.”

Sashi nodded. “Okay. When the citizens of this country get terrorized, enslaved, and have their families murdered by whoever stole my Legions, I'll make sure _everyone_ in this entire dimension knows who to blame exactly.” She said cheerfully.

“Oh, hey, wha'dya know? I'm suddenly a-okay for a trip to Mewni!” Boone got up. “Just let me get some things ready.” He fled the kitchen, disappearing back into his mess.

Penn smiled at Sashi. “Well, that's one way to get help...”

Sashi rolled her eyes. “Oh, shut up and let's help him; I don't want to waste a single second loitering here.”

* * *

It was mid-afternoon by the time they set off from Boone's home. Though they packed a number of the wizard's more valuable items to trade for money and other necessary goods, there were still a ways away from any bazaar that'd take them, and heading back to the nearby town to trade and get transportation would only take away valuable gold and time for the trip.

So off the three of them went walking down the road, lugging their possessions between them, never stopping till the last rays of the sun had disappeared and they were forced to make camp on the side of the road.

Not needing sleep, Sashi took on night watch, flying high up above their camp, an imposing, demonic guardian visible from the horizon. Below her, Boone and Penn went about their business, occasionally yelling up at Sashi before the two of them turned in for the night. For the next couple of hours, the demon scanned the vast plains around them for any signs of life or bandits, nothing but silence, the stars, and the moon for company. Even if the time was ultimately meaningless to her, for the moment, it was _incredibly_ boring.

Then sometime in the early morning, Sashi felt movement in their camp. She descended from her post and back down to the ground before Penn threw a rock up to get her attention. The hero dropped the pebble in his hand, and motioned for her to a quiet spot some distance away from the still sleeping Boone.

The demon cast one last sweep over the area around them, before looking at Penn and silently giving him the go ahead.

“What do you think Mewni's going to be like?” Penn asked softly.

Sashi gave him a look. “Seriously? You woke up, and took me away from guard duty to ask me that?” She asked in a slightly louder voice.

Penn smiled and nodded. “Yes. So…?”

“I haven't really thought about it.” Sashi replied.

“Really? Not even a few ideas about what they're like in the west? What we're going to see? What's going to happen when we get there?”

Sashi rolled her eyes. “As of now, I can just spend the better part of the next day flying there then telling all of you exactly how it is. When I get my power back, I can teleport in the blink of an eye. I'm not held back by mortal fatigue and physical limitations, so I don't waste time speculating when I can just see how it really is.”

“But what about for fun, not for figuring out the truth?”

Sashi blankly looked at Penn and urged him to explain.

“Sunsets,” Penn replied. “I think Mewni's going to have the most amazing sunsets I've ever seen, because all of their cities are designed that way, like a frame for a painting.”

Sashi paused for a second to let it sink in. “That's one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. Who would pour that many resources, that much manpower, and that much time into designing cities purely to enhance something as pedestrian as a sunset, or even just the westward districts?”

Penn chuckled. “Because it'd be pretty cool! And who knows, someone on Mewni might have had the same thought as me and made it actually happen.”

Sashi shook her head. “Do you always have moronic thoughts like this clanging around in your head?”

Penn beamed. “Yep! Helps with the stresses of the job; instead of thinking, 'Hey, an evil sorceress' lair filled with an army of demonic servants! There's probably a million and one ways for me to die horribly and slowly in there.', I think, 'Hey, cool castle! There's probably some really interesting things in there like a giant hall where you yell at stuff and it makes cool echoes depending on where you stand.'”

“Or maybe a Neverending Spiral of Death and Agony.” Sashi added with a smirk.

“Hey, in that thing's defense, I found it pretty interesting before I was actually thrown onto it. Then it just got boring, repetitive and painful.”

“You always do this silly speculation? Never fail?” Sashi asked, and Penn nodded. “What did you think about going into Boone's place after almost getting killed by that avalanche?”

“I thought 'There might be some really neat things in there that'll really help me out in my adventures! Like a coin that makes new, smaller coins, ones I can use to make an entirely new currency and trading system.'”

“And what about going on a spontaneous trip overseas to try and get some princess' help, with no way of knowing if she'll even say yes or that you'll waste all this time and effort…?” Sashi asked.

Penn grinned. “'I get to go to someplace I've never been before, see new sights, meet new people, and have some unique experiences. And even if the princess says no, I'll have a wizard who's a pretty cool guy and a demon lord I really, really, _really_ like by my side on my next adventure.'”

Sashi blushed, her cheeks turning a bright red.

Penn thumbed back to the tent. “I should go back to sleep; thanks for the talk, Sash.”

“You do that.” Sashi replied before she blasted off high into the air once more.

In the hours Sashi spent alone till morning, she realized there were many more plans to get back her Legions and free her main self from the box. They were also much more reliable and would probably work out much better than what Boone had suggested.

But, none of them would sit well or could include Penn, which is why she was heading off west to go crash a magical princess' birthday party.


End file.
